Assalamualaikum. We all know that life is short but indeed, is there room for any regrets? People keep saying that we must live each and every day to its fullest. Make it as if it is the last. Sure or not? Can we still do so when we are doing things that we forced to do day by day? Haizzz. People always asked me to go clubbing with them, I told them I have never go clubbing before and I do not think that the place suits me. They told me that in life, we must taste everything at least once. Is it true? If that is so, why we never want to taste the bitterness of life once. We keep asking for better things, better life. What a contradiction!

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On another note, death is a must to each and every living ones! We all know that the day will come but are we preparing for it? When I look back in the past, I was not even sure if I will live up to my 'A' levels days but I still study and prepare for it, but why am I not preparing for the day when I leave this world which will definitely comes. Now I do not have much time to accomplish my religious obligations. What a shit life this is.

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Ramadhan is coming, and I am not sure if I will be able to go through it with ketaqwaan when some of the days, I can't even do my solat fardhu and break fast with my family and also go for solat terawih during the nights of Ramadhan. I really hate this. Syawal follow through after Ramadhan. My family plans to celebrate it at my grandma's village in Malacca. All my maternal relatives will be there on the 1st of Syawal. It has been a long time since I celebrate Hari Raya there. Last four years, we did not because my first sister just got married that year and she has to celebrate it with her in-laws in Singapore. Three years ago, I had my 'O' levels, two years ago, my second sister just passed away. Last year, I had my 'A' levels. So for this year, we thought everything was just fine until that stupid, irritating people told me something. "Oh Izwan, you cannot take leave on the 14th and 15th October" What? 12th and 13th October is my off days and you tell me that I have do standbys because other Muslim medics are taking leave on that day. And on top of that I cannot take leave on 14th and 15th October because nobody is free for standbys on these two days. Wah how fair is this world... You give the other Muslim medics to take leave on Hari Raya because they want to celebrate Hari Raya with their families in Singapore and you cleverly find another Muslim medic(unfortunately, it is me) to do standby for that "fortunate" Muslim medic. And you expect me to work 4 days straight? Oh maybe you want me to work on the 16th and 17th too to make me work 6 days consecutively? Isn't that rubbish? So what am I suppose to tell my mother? I can't let them celebrate Hari Raya with my relatives in Malaysia while I am all alone in Singapore. Oh maybe I will be accompanied by my late sister and grandparents here. Ya, celebrating Hari Raya in the ambulance, saving lives... Gosh, I have never celebrated Hari Raya alone and you know how close I am to my family! Ya Allah, tolonglah hambaMu ini...