Saturday, January 21, 2006
Assalamualaikum. Yesterday was truly a bad day for me. I was scolded for nothing that I'd done wrong. Just whatever. No matter how much I want to explain that I am innocent, people will still think that I've done the greatest sin. So be it. I just can't simply be bothered. My reputation is already being smeared in front of the others. Thanks so much for me being the stupid one and asking the juniors this and that and remind them this and that. I am making a FOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL of myself! I won't be that stupid again. Enough is enough. I can't go on! I am nobody that you can make use of.
I do not know what is actually happening in this very world of ours. Cheaters get the fame and stream into the limelight but the innocents are just being pushed into the abyss of shame. I just can't stand it.
I just do not know what happened to me. I think I am going crazy. I mean really. The craziness that brings one into the Mental Hospital. One after one problem lining up in the queue to face me. I've lost everything. Love. Trust. Reputation. Happiness.
Yes, yes, yes. I am crying now. I am so happy that I am crying now. Let the exasperation diffuse into the thin air and never come back. Sometimes I wonder, people saw me laugh and joke, they must think that I am very funny and happy-go-lucky. Yeah, big joker but no one knows how this heart is battling with this unbearable pain.
Why the heck do I care about people's feelings when they don't even give a damn on mine?